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Peter Crouch, Michelangelo and the Sixteen Chapel

22 May 2020

Introducing Rakewell, Apollo’s wandering eye on the art world. Look out for regular posts taking a rakish perspective on art and museum stories

Your columnist, as regular readers will know, is as keen on BBC’s That Peter Crouch Podcast as he is of the High Renaissance or Song dynasty ceramics – and indeed, has written previously about the artistic tastes (of sorts) of the brilliant beanpole who always had an implausibly dainty touch in front of goal.

In recent episodes of the podcast, Crouch and his co-presenters, Tom Fordyce and Chris Stark, have cobbled together an exhibition proposal that started out as a joke but may yet develop into a cultural caper. They are searching for a gallery space to stage an exhibition of photographs of the infamous midfield ruffian Roy Keane – snaps requested by fans, who are unfailingly met by Keane with an invitation to ‘fuck off’ before he acquiesces to a picture. Larry Gagosian, David Zwirner, are you listening?

In the latest episode of the show, Crouch and co delve further into their artistic interests – or lack of them. ‘I feel like art needs to move on a little bit,’ says Crouch. ‘It’s become stuck in its ways and I think it’s very serious […] It’s bordering on arrogance.’ Curators, dismiss the former England striker’s critique at your peril. ‘If you could walk into an art gallery and laugh, and be entertained, rather than pretend you’re interested because it makes you look clever…’ Well, hasn’t he got a point?

Alas, all hope is lost for Crouch’s co-presenter, the Radio 1 DJ Chris Stark. Crouch himself is quite taken by the Sistine Chapel (‘awesome’). But Stark reckons it’s little more than ‘a really, really, really good paint job’. Then again, he thinks it’s called the ‘Sixteen Chapel’ (Crouch: ‘can you imagine what number one looked like?’).

Crouch says he’d ‘like to be more clued up on art.’ And of course he could be. Subscribe to Apollo, Crouchie, subscribe to Apollo today.

Got a story for Rakewell? Get in touch at rakewell@apollomag.com or via @Rakewelltweets.